Dr Feelbad's bionic rock

Feeling a bit down in the dumps?
That's because you're at a low point in your biorhythms, say three eminent doctors. Karl Dallas applies their theories to some of rock's leading lights

PERHAPS I shouldn't tell you this, but it looks as if Rory Gallagher's Christmas shows in Dublin are going to be a bit of a bummer this year. And if I were Van Morrison, I would stay at home in bed and pull the covers over my head at the end of the first week of January.

On the other hand, Roy Harper's tour should open on something of an emotional high at North Staffordshire Poly, though I wouldn't expect anything much in the way of intellectual brilliance from him, and he may he feeling  a bit low physically.

How do I know this? It's simple. It's not astrology, the I. Ching, or anything supernatural. I've been calculating their biorhythms. If you know someone's birthday, it's easy, as long as you can do a little simple arithmetic. An electronic calculator makes it as easy as... er, falling off a stage.

Biorhythms were discovered a long time ago by three doctors. One was a psychologist in Vienna (where else?). The second was an ENT surgeon in Berlin and the last was a doctor, not of medicine, but of engineering, who was also a high school teacher in Innsbruck.

The Viennese and the Berliner both, quite independently; discovered that their patients' physical well-being went through a regular 23 day cycle, while their emotional state had a 28 day cycle.

The teacher discovered, by studying the exam results of his pupils, that they seemed to go through a 33 day intellectual cycle.

Since each cycle goes first up, then down, then back up again, this means that every 11.5 days (or 14 or 16.5 according to which cycle you're calculating) your body changes direction, and starts feeling much better, or worse.

These are what are known as critical days, when it's better not to do anything vitally important.

December 28 just happens to be a critical day mentally for Rory Gallagher and December 29 is a critical day emotionally, and those just happen to be the days he's playing the National Stadium in Dublin.

Physically, he'll be feeling fine, because his body doesn't go critical until January 3, and by the time he plays Belfast on January 4 and 5, he'll be starting to feel really good, as all three cycles shoot upwards.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? But not to the Zurich transport authority, who have cut their accident record by half since they started calculating the biorhythms of their drivers, warning them to be extra careful on critical days.

Of course, it's possible to be OK in two out of three cycles, but still critical in the third, so if you're physically critical you'll be able to handle it, as long as you are emotionally stable enough or smart enough to know what to do.

What is really bad, though, is if all three cycles go critical simultaneously, which is what happened to Jimi Hendrix on that fateful day in September 1970 when he took a small overdose and choked to death on his own vomit.

If you're convinced by now, you might like to try calculating your own biorhythms.

First, you need to find out exactly how many days you have lived, by multiplying the number of years by 365, adding extra days for leap years, and then the days since last birthday.

Van Morrison, for instance, was born on August 31, 1945, making him just 31 years old, That's 31 x 365 - 11,315 days, plus eight leap year February 29s, plus 123 day's from his last birthday to the end of the year, meaning that on December 31 he'll have been alive for exactly 11,445 days.

Divide that figure by 23 and you'll find that puts him about halfway through his 498th physical cycle, which goes critical on January 9.

Divide it by 29 and the result is that he's also coming to the end of his 409th emotional cycle on January 7, and finally divide by 33, with the result that he comes to the end of his 347th mental cycle on January 6.

The closeness of those three critical days to each other is why I said the end of the first week of the New Year is going to be pretty tough for him, though after January 9 his physical, emotional and intellectual states will all he improving fast.

Rory Gallagher, now, has been alive since March 2 1948, making him 10,531 days old by the end of the year. January 3 is his critical day, physically, but having gone critical in his intellectual and emotional cycles on December 28 and 29, he should be OK in all three departments as the New Year gets a week old.

Actually, since January 4 is his emotional high point and both his physical and mental states will be on the up-and-up at that time, January 4 and 5 should be good times to be in Belfast.

One thing you need to remember, of course, is that as well as being critical at each end of the three cycles, there is a critical point in the middle as well, so that if your emotional cycle begins on a Monday, say, then the following Monday you'll be at your highest point, the Monday after that will he critical again as your emotional state is in transition between high and low, and the Monday after that will be your emotional low. I wonder if anyone has ever noticed that Rory seems to be either high, low  or just very, very difficult emotionally every Monday, because that's the way his cycle goes.

For Rory Harper, it's Thursdays, and after February 10, his spirits will begin to rise so he'll be feeling pretty good for the opening of his tour on February 14. On the other hand, he'll be eight days past the middle of his physical cycle on that day , and four days away from the end of his intellectual cycle, so he wont' be at his best mentally.

So if you ever wonder why certain gigs turn to be magic, awhile others don't make it all, this could be the reason.

These are some guides to known rock people:
Rod Stewart: born Jan. 10, 194; making him 11678 days old at the end of the year, critical dates Jan.4 -intellectully going down, January 6, Physical going down and Jan. 8  emotional going down

Elton John: born March 1947, 10874 days. critical days January 12, 14, and 16

Peter Frampton: born April 22, 1950: 9750 days, critical days Jan. 13,15 and 18.

David Essex: born July 23, 1947, 10745 days; critical days January, 9, 12 and 14

Stevie Wonder; feeling physically critical in New Year's Day

from the December 18,1976 issue of Melody Maker
thanks to Lotte Lieb Dula for sharing this article
the background is a capture from Rock Goes to College by donman
reformatted by roryfan

To Join The Loop
Mailing & Discussion List
email roryfan at 3dale@voicenet.com
  Back to main RoryON!! page
  Back to Articles page
Back to previous article
  Forward to next article